Film: G.I.Joe

STARRING: Channing Tatum (Step Up); Marlon Wayans (Scary Movie); Siennea Miller (Stardust); Ray Park (Star Wars); Dennis Quaid (Vantage Point)
DIRECTOR: Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns)
WRITERS: Stuart Beattie (Australia); David Elliot & Paul Lovett (Four Brothers)
PLOT: GI Joe take on a notorious arms dealer. We learn some backstory and lame CG explosions ensue.

FIVE OBSERVATIONS
This contains spoilers.
4 Unlike Transformers, some of the GI Joe characters look like their action figures. It’s a small thing but something I appreciate. I did not like Cobra Commander’s mask, however, I guess the actor wants to show his eyes in the next film.
4 I’m getting awfully tired of CG explosions. I feel sorry for the poor pyrotechnic people who are being replaced by computers. Some of it looks realistic, but most effects look incredibly lame.
4 I’d like to see more female villains who don’t fall in love with the heroes. Cat Woman? Mystique? And now the Baroness? The romantic storyline was idiotic.
4 Here are the people I felt most sorry for while watching this film:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt – After 500 Days of Summer and Brick, what is he doing in this crappy movie? I hope he’s just doing it for the paycheck, like George Clooney did for Batman and Robin. I guess indie films don’t pay the bills.
Ray Park – He’s an amazing martial artist, but with the constant mask-wearing, you’d think that his face is utterly hideous. Let Snake-Eyes remove the mask so he can breathe once in a while.
Dennis Quaid – I know he’s playing a plastic action figure but that doesn’t mean his acting has to be plastic. Actually plastic is generous. He was cardboard. He was terrible! What a black smudge on a otherwise pretty good resume.
Brendan Fraser – I know he owes Sommers for the Mummy fame, but he didn’t need to slum it. Even for three minutes.
4 Four words: ice floats you morons!

RECOMMENDATION
Avoid at all costs
(Unless you are a die-hard fan of
GI Joe, then wait for TBS)

COMING SOON
maybe Cold Souls or Paper Hearts