Film: Pinocchio

 

GENRE: Disney Live Action Remake Atrocity
RATING: PG for some rude material and some language
RUNTIME: 1 hour and 45 minutes
PLATFORM: Disney+
STARRING: Benjamin Evan Ainsworth (The Haunting of Bly Manor)
Joseph-Gordon-Levitt (The Walk); Tom Hanks (Cast Away)
DIRECTOR: Robert Zemeckis (Back to the Future, Forrest Gump)
WRITERS: Robert Zemeckis (The Walk, The Polar Express)
Chris Weitz (Rogue One; About a Boy; Antz; The Golden Compass)
PLOT: A puppet tries to lead a virtuous life in order to become a real boy.    

FULL DISCLOSURE: This a was snap decision watch; no anticipation.     

STORY STUFF: I just don’t see why Disney keeps making these things. The original animated story was great; there was no need to update it in any way. Some the of dialogue seemed more adult than maybe there should have been. I did snicker though when the fox talked about ‘growth mindset’ when discussing education – it’s definitely a buzz word I hear every day at school. Overall, I would just stick with the animated feature.   

ACTING STUFF: Not much to praise here. Ainsworth has a pleasant voice as Pinocchio. Hanks tends to mumble a bunch as old Geppetto; I had to put on the subtitles to understand what he was talk-singing about in the opening of the film. Keegan-Michael Key does a good job of Honest John the fox, but that’s to be expected. Jiminy Cricket did not sound like Joseph Gordon-Levitt at all; it’s like he was doing his impression of the original. Why bother if you’re not going to sound like yourself? The added character of Sofia the seagull did not work for me.

ARTISTIC STUFF: There is some great animation throughout. The set pieces are well done – though Pleasure Island seems Polar Express-ish (although I haven’t seen that film). The wood grain on Pinocchio is a nice touch. I did enjoy the fun they had with the variety of Disney-themed cuckoo clocks – maybe my favourite part of the film. That’s not saying much.

VERDICT: One star out of five
SEE IT IF: You want to keep encouraging Disney to make these things
UPCOMING REVIEW:  Emmy Predictions, Fall TV Preview